In a world where public personas often overshadow personal truths, Geena Davis’s memoirDying of Politenessoffers a compelling and deeply human reflection of a life lived under the spotlight. This memoir is more than a collection of memories it is a sharp, witty, and honest examination of how the award-winning actress grew into her voice after years of playing the role of the agreeable woman. Davis, an Oscar-winning performer and tireless advocate for gender equality in media, steps away from her iconic characters to tell her own story, one shaped by a culture of politeness and the long journey toward asserting her true self.
Early Life and Formative Years
Geena Davis begins her memoir by recounting her early life in Wareham, Massachusetts. Born Virginia Elizabeth Davis in 1956, she was raised in a modest household that valued kindness, good manners, and not making waves. Her upbringing instilled in her a desire to please others and not speak out of turn traits that would define her early years in the entertainment industry.
Her shyness and natural reticence were only reinforced by the societal expectations placed on women during the 60s and 70s. Davis writes about how those early experiences, especially with her parents’ gentle yet traditional values, made her a master of suppressing her feelings to avoid offending others. As she transitioned into adulthood, this excessive politeness became a survival tactic that often worked against her sense of self-worth.
Breaking into Hollywood
Geena Davis’s entrance into the entertainment world was as unlikely as it was fateful. After studying acting at Boston University, she moved to New York City and began modeling. Her tall stature and striking appearance quickly attracted attention, and soon she landed her first film role in the 1982 movieTootsie. Working alongside Dustin Hoffman, Davis got her first glimpse into the power dynamics that governed Hollywood.
She candidly describes how politeness in show business can often be a mask worn to survive difficult or demeaning situations. For much of her early career, she found herself unable or unwilling to push back when she was uncomfortable. Whether dealing with aggressive directors or navigating the casting couch culture, Davis learned how silence could be both a shield and a trap.
The Journey to Assertiveness
ThroughoutDying of Politeness, the central theme is Davis’s evolution from someone who couldn’t say no to someone who found power in her voice. This transformation didn’t happen overnight. Her iconic roles inThe Fly,Beetlejuice, andA League of Their Ownmade her a household name, but they also gave her the courage to question the roles she played both on and off screen.
The turning point in her personal development came with her work onThelma & Louise. The 1991 road film, in which she starred alongside Susan Sarandon, became a cultural landmark. The story of two women who push back against patriarchal control resonated deeply with Davis and led her to re-examine the importance of agency, rebellion, and speaking out. She credits Sarandon with encouraging her to be more outspoken and less apologetic about her beliefs.
Behind the Scenes A Woman in a Man’s World
Davis doesn’t shy away from recounting the many subtle and not-so-subtle forms of sexism she encountered. From being talked over in meetings to having her ideas dismissed, she paints a clear picture of the systemic barriers women face in Hollywood. But rather than present herself as a victim, Davis uses humor and grace to expose the absurdity of those experiences.
In one memorable anecdote, she describes being scolded for taking too long to change outfits during a shoot only to reveal she had been given just 30 seconds and an elaborate costume change. Instead of complaining, she apologized. These moments underscore the memoir’s dying of politeness often meant dying a little bit inside to keep others comfortable.
The Power of Activism
Perhaps the most inspiring chapters ofDying of Politenessare those that document Davis’s transition from actor to activist. In 2004, she founded the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media, a research-based organization dedicated to increasing the presence of female characters in media. Fueled by her own experiences and a desire to change the industry for future generations, Davis threw herself into the role with her trademark blend of humor and intellect.
She reveals that it wasn’t until she became a mother that she truly understood the urgency of her mission. Watching children’s programming with her daughter, she was struck by how few female characters appeared, especially in lead roles. Her advocacy became her way of ensuring that the next generation wouldn’t grow up thinking that girls were secondary or silent.
Highlights of Her Memoir
- A candid recounting of awkward encounters with Hollywood giants
- Behind-the-scenes stories from beloved films
- Insight into how the culture of politeness affects women’s lives
- The birth and impact of the Geena Davis Institute
- A deep reflection on motherhood, aging, and self-empowerment
Legacy and Final Thoughts
Dying of Politenessis not a traditional celebrity memoir. It is less about name-dropping and more about identity, boundaries, and finding the courage to disrupt social expectations. Geena Davis doesn’t claim to have all the answers, but she offers something far more valuable vulnerability, wit, and a personal blueprint for how to stand tall in a world that often wants women to stay small.
As readers turn the final page, they are left with a sense of possibility. If someone like Davis who once couldn’t speak up for herself can become a fierce advocate for change, then there is hope for anyone struggling to find their voice. Her journey from silenced to strong is a story many women will recognize and feel empowered by.
In a time when public conversation is shifting toward authenticity and self-expression,Dying of Politenessoffers a timely reminder that real change begins when we stop apologizing for who we are. Davis’s voice, long muted by good manners, now rings clear and it is worth listening to.